Hey Laney,
First off, congrats on not giving up. Take care of that fire and it will do nothing but grow.
A week ago I finished my P90X for the first time, dropping my body fat percentage from the Obese range to the Normal range while losing 35 pounds. Still have some work to do, but well on my path. You can do the same or better.
Here's my thoughts on your questions:
1. Did you start with classic or lean?
I did classic. My reason for this was so that I could build the additional muscle I needed to continue on my fitness journey. Either option is great. From what I could tell, the main difference is the Plyometrics workout being switched out with the Cardio X workout.
2. One issue I had is that there are lots of things I couldn't keep up with. Did you hit the pause button and get your breath back and continue so you did everything along with the video, or did you follow along just doing the best you could for each thing?
Followed along the best I could until I was able to keep up. When I started I couldn't do any sit-ups or pull-ups. At the end I still couldn't keep up with the machines on the DVD, but I got dang close! Modify as you need, just make sure you're pushing yourself (A heart rate monitor is a great tool for this).
3. Did you follow the eating plan or did you make your own?
Followed the eating plan like a mad-man. My problem before starting P90X is that I really didn't know what healthy eating was. By following the plan I now have the proper eating habits to help me in the long-run.
4. Any other advice??
Don't give up. Like you, I'm a parent. It's tough, not easy, hurts, but so friggin worth it. As I like to say, 1 hour of a hell workout for 23 hours of heaven. I knew I was helping the family in the right direction when my 7 year old wanted to workout and started eating much better like her mom and dad (not Spinach is one of her favorite veggies).
Well, that's a lot of information. I hope it helps you out and can't wait to see your end results.
Feel free to reach out if you need anything else, or even just to vent. I'm only a message away.
Keep pressing play Laney, for yourself and for your family.

~~ Tim Collins