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How I got to the best shape of my life in 90 days?

Ch 1. An attempt to live an ordinary Life

“An international athlete is always tired”. You always have to spend yourself if you want to honor your country. Wake up at 5am, on the water by 5.45, out of the water by 7.30, in the shuttle to job at 8. Then back to gym at 6pm for the 2nd workout, eat pasta at 9.30, in bed by 11. 12 workouts/week, for years. The cost someone has to pay for the honor of country. Medals and titles, all news, results. Winning or losing doesn’t matter. It’s how hard you fight the defending champion. It’s who’ll be the first to hand shaked, thanked, respected. The relief? It’s the sweet sound of the horn at the finish line, while you are breathing to the top of your lungs, the blood smell that comes from your own throat. The real rest is sacred.

That’s how I spent my 20s. Many races after which I was planning to quit, and the next day I found myself in the gym again. By the end of my 20s, I realized that there is much more to life that I wanted to do, but there’s no midway in athletics: It’s either quit or dedicate.

Being an all-time scholar student intrigued by research, academia seemed as the best career choice. And, in order to experience an irreversible change, I needed to burn the ships as did Iskender. In 2004, I quit rowing and accepted a scholarship offer for a PhD in finance in San Antonio, TX, and left Turkey.

First thing I noticed in the non-athletic life was that the winners were not determined by a stopwatch. And no one cared about the struggle, or honor, but only the result. I didn’t care, just did my job, be a good sport and stayed away from diplomatic politics. I saw people lie, cheat, act, and hide. I saw mistakes but I hushed that opposing voice inside me. I sucked up all their injustice for three years.


Ch 2. First Blood

Letting go of things that mattered made me lose my self-respect, and pride. Letting go also didn’t bring relief but accumulated pressure. My daily routine of cardio, Texmex food and $2 pint nights didn’t help either, but just made me 30 lbs heavier. All I wanted was an ordinary life.

When I politely talked, it backfired. They kicked me out like a dog; hiding my test results, no explanations, no mercy, nothing. I felt like a depreciated fighting machine attempts to adapt to an ordinary life but ends up at wrong place at the wrong time repeatedly, like John Rambo.

I lost all that mattered, even my health. I started having chest pains. They began infrequently, then increased. Something was squeezing my heart in every breath I take. I couldn’t get it checked as the school was so impatient in cancelling my health insurance (yes they were so efficient when it came to that department).

An athlete rowing at 2 horsepower, in three years turned into this fat, old, sick dog with his tail between the legs. An all-time scholar, now laid off. Hardest was pretending as if nothing was wrong to my students and people I cared. I started drinking to numb my mind. I was at rock bottom. I couldn’t talk to anybody. I couldn’t feel like a man. I was hurt deep.


Ch 3. Resurrection

It was another sleepless night, I had a longneck in one hand and a remote in the other when I came across the P90x infomercial. This muscular, fit, energetic guy, Tony, was explaining a 90-day program. Made sense. Crews looked real sweaty, unlike those smiling, unreal people on other commercials.

Tony was doing pull-ups, and something inside me said, Doruk just prove you are better than that guy, do a clean 20 and shut him up. I found a sturdy bar and began pull-ups. I had a very sharp pain in my heart. I had to stop at 6 and just crawled on the floor. I was down on my knees, my eyes watered, begging God; please make this pain go away.

I guess I had some sort of a revelation. The people saying that I can’t do it crossed my mind. I felt like a foreigner so alone in this huge, tough, capitalist country, where only the fittest, toughest can survive. I was once honoring my country, now I’m a disgrace?

How I got to this point? I knew I was smart, and strong, this was ought to be my game. Then misery turned into fury. Clearly, I had to prove the world wrong. I was wounded, yes, but I realized I was a wounded bear, a fatal one. I decided to fight back. As Tony beat me in the pull-ups, I decided to listen to him. I crawled to my laptop and ordered P90X. I was talking to myself, tears in my eyes and trembling with fury hardly entering my credit card number. At worst, I wanted to die fighting. They drew the first blood, not me.


Ch 4. Frog leaps

P90X is a sure thing! A package program, no worries, no room for mistake. It was tougher than I expected. On the fourth day, I was dizzy and crashed many times in the supposedly easy YogaX. I was gonna crawl and strangle Tony. Fortunately, I recovered the first crazy week and I learned what to expect next. I made adjustments, started using the supplements. I got hooked to the P90X forums and met objective, constructive, fun, like-minded friends. It felt great to be cared, read and respected by some people again. Tony is a Professor of fitness and P90x is a masterpiece. The workload is adjusted so finely for all levels. I went up to 13 dvds/week. Do your best, forget the rest. P90X is not a sprint but a marathon. Only the smart will win and rabbits fade.

My positive mind set came back. I contacted to some professors in other schools about pure research questions, no expectations, no sales, just being real and open-hearted, just for the sake of science. And nature responded. I got a new offer from a better, popular, high ranked school. From a small town college, I got in to the badass Finance Dept at U of Houston!

It was a sunny Sunday,I got my day90 pix taken in the patio.I was smiling so proudly. I was a P90X grad! Actually, it was the beginning of a new road for me,one without any fear. My 30s are my new 20s.P90X changed my life for the better. Now, I am a peaceful warrior!