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I gotta eat more. Today I had Shakeology for breakfast and a brisket sandwich for lunch. Other than tasting I did not eat much of anything. This is not good. I bonked on the workout, chest and back tonight 3/4 of the way. Got a little headache too. I'm drinking water but I need more of that too.

The good thing is that I was getting more reps and doing more. Tonight was the first night that I was able to do both diamond and those turkish style pushups. I did not do many but I did not sub for a easier style.

One thing I think I am afriad of doing them as well as other stuff in P90X. I don't know why. I did stuff in the corps and a lot more when I did BFL.

More good news. Someone at work said I was losing wieght. I think I am firming up more so than losing. Either way I want to feel better. Looks right now are not that important. Ther is a reason why I don't do internet pics. The body AND the face. Not pretty. If I do I'll prob do neck down and no underwear pics.

I have not been blogging in a while.

Tonight was the first night I did plyo in a while too. Because of the jack ass upstairs I have not been able to. He complains yet he blasts his music and plays computer games past 2 a.m.

So I want to do plyo and get my cardio in. So I took it outside tonight. It's gonna take me a while to get back into shape enough to do it well in this heat. 93 degress and it's night time. But I tried.

Next time I'm gonna do it on grass and not asphalt and maybe practice doing cardio everyday. I want this weight gone.

Last week I did a Shakeology cleanse and lost some weight. Although I just wanted to clean out my guts. I'm gonna try harder to stay on the diet and drink more water and shakeology. I'm starting a stack of shakeology, creatine and protien. It's relly good too. I want to copy what I did in the past.

I got up early to make up for last night's skip on plyo. Yesterday I was feeling really bad  on this cleanse. I had headaches and body aches. Emotionally I felt let down but physically I knew it was best. What a difference a night's sleep and 3 ibuprophen make. Today I was up at 3:30 without feeling any sickness and I could not sleep. I wrote in a forum on AVEN about work issues and me being asexual and aromantic. Yeah, it's time to talk openly about it, embrace it, and get on with life. I think that it's been a major stumbling block for me.

Also on AVEN there is a group who works out and supports each other. We are all ace (short for asexual). Some are straight, some are gay and lesbian, and some are like me (aromantic) who have no interest in anyone romantically. It's on my Face Book info, BTW.

Here is to a new life and a recommitment to a fitness.

Mom passed away on Juns 16. As there are good and bad things in everyone, me obviously, what I learned from mom's life was that she never let anyone stop her from doing what she wanted to do.

I have yet to master this. I am easily defeated. That has got to change.

Truth. Even though mom was ill and passed away, if working out was really important to me nothing would have stopped me. Not even her illness and death. Yes it would have affected me. I would have had to drop a few workouts but truthfully I know there were days that I did not because I did not want to. I am sure this is understandable. But I know I could have handled everything better. I am in no way blaming my set back on her death. There was times when I sat at home eating and watching hulu instead of working out.

As I have started over again and again today is another day to restart P90X. I have gained back some pounds and inches on my belly. Although I am not as heavy as I was before I am not where I was after my first round of P90X and nowhwere near as fit as I was after BFL all those years ago.

So, July 4th, day one on P90X. I will add Insanity too after the first month to get ready for P90X2. Well I would be ready if I did not stop and start all the time. I will also add some 10 minute workouts when I know I do not have time for a full P90X workout or when I just don't feel like it. This weight has got to go. This out of shapeness has got to go. I'm gonna try harder to get this done.

Still at it. It seems that the more I want this, something happens that stops me.

Right now mom is in hospice. Her heart is giving out. She has battled this for a while.

It seems that I get into a routine and bam, something happens. Now this. I try to spend time with her. So I may not workout everyday. And I am not gonna make myself feel bad for it. Sometimes things will get in the way. This is one.

Work is another. I work at least 10 hours a day. Today was 12 hours. And I'm tired, mentally and physically. But I worked out. I was gonna try to do 2 workouts tonight to make up for a 12 hour day on monday and tuesday. Not gonna happen. I'll do a mini workout tomorrow morning and hit chest and back. If I can squeeze in a short run that will be my cardio for tuesday. Then home for kenpo x ( still my favorite )

Also i'm goning to be moving, soon, back into moms house to watch it while we are going through this. I will keep my apt unti my lease is up so it will be a slow move.

I wish I can get a home myself. Not mom's. There is a lot of bad memories there that I don't want to re-live. I wish that we could sell both homes and use the money for mom's care. I hope when the time comes we can do that and split the remaining estate equally among us with no fighting. I don't want her house. I want my own house.

TMI. okay I will continue to try. I running again but with stuff going on it is hard to be consistant and my slower than ever  pace is a little discouraging. I used to run at least 6 miles a day. Now? not so much.

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