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So I looked back over my (private only) blog entries and realized the frequency of my entries is as inconsistent as my 'starting over again' pattern.  Here I am again.  Starting over.  Again.  I realized while doing 20 min of 'Walk Away the Pounds" that I am continually starting over on a daily basis.  The sun comes up, the day passes, the night comes, and it all starts over again.  Too many days pass in  between when I begin again...and when I begin again, AGAIN! 

My goal is to excercise three times a week.  I won't say every day, I won't say I'm going to complete a program, I won't even commit to the length of time the workout is.  Just that I will exercise three times a week. Maybe with a loose commitment I will want to impress myself and go above and beyond this goal, which is usually what I aim for in all aspects of my family, personal and professional life.  This  goal is so small compared to where I was two years ago.  But with my busy lifestyle, it is a big goal for me at this point.  I will make time for exercise.  And I will blog publicly more frequently.

I felt like sleeping in today but I was already awake and laying in bed thinking.  I put on my exercise clothes and shoes and came downstairs to work out.  The first 3 or 4 minutes I felt sort of disconnected with the video and noticed I was 'just going through the motions'.  After that I guess my body started getting more used to the idea of moving and I really put energy into the rest of the workout.  Instead of just touching the knees/simple twist while doing 'knees up', I did a couple sections of standing abs (from SI6).  I was glad I added those in there...it was like saying to myself, 'I can do this'! 

My favorite part of Leslie's video is when she says, 'YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU KNOW...THE BODY IS STRONG'.  I will write that where I can see it daily.

EXERCISE: Over and out, week 1.  This past week I worked out to SI6: Start it Up every day.  I'm already completing the workout with greater ease and incredibly less soreness than just a week ago.  With the exception of just one day, I brought it 100%.  That exception day was just from exhaustion and lack of sleep...and even then I did complete the workout, just not as well as the other days.

This week's goal: drink WAY more water.  I don't feel like I drank enough water this week.  Somewhere between 20-50 ounces in a day, when I even drank that much.  I know I'd do myself a world of good to have about 75 ounces.

FOOD: As for my eating?!  Pretty good.  Definately WAY less sugar, sweets, and wine than when I was on winter break for two weeks at the end of December. I didn't count my calories exactly...but I was definately more aware of my intake.  I worked hard to not eat too close to bedtime. 

SUPPLEMENTS: I started taking limming Formula 2x/day.  For some reason I have a hard time remembering to take it before dinner.  I'm taking my vitamins, Omega's, Cal/Mag, and using Shakeology once a day.

ACHIEVEMENTS: I'm feeling  better about myself and proud that I forced myself to start.  The workouts are getting easier, I'm not sore, and I feel hopeful about continuing.  I didn't lose any weight this week but I do believe that is probably because I'm not drinking enough water.  I ordered some Performance Formula and will give that a try for the first time tomorrow.

SLEEP: I definately need more of that!

THIS WEEK'S GOAL: I'll continue with Start it Up for a few more days, then move on to Ramp it Up.  Drink more water and get more sleep.

So it's December 31st and I now weigh about 146.  I feel lightyears away from where I was when I won the 1K monthly contest last year.  I've been so busy this year and have fallen into unhealthy habits of not exercising and eating whatever and whenever I want.  That 'freedom' has actually put me in my own personal prison.  It's time to change.

Tomorrow I begin.  Again.  Goodbye eating late at night.  Goodbye handfulls of candy.  Goodbye extra carbs.  Goodbye sluggishness.  Goodbye perma-muffin top.  Goodbye pouting at my laundry basket full of size 4 and 6 clothes I haven't fit into all year.  Goodbye making excuses.

I'm gunna need some support because I feel like a fallen hero.  My friends and customers look to me for guidance because I lost so much weight and was in the best shape of my life.  It's embarassing to let it all slide when others look to YOU as an example.  This pressure will be used to support me through this, though.  I am only human.  Yes...it's true.  I admit this and am willing to move forward to take on the challenges that lie ahead of me.  It's worth it!!!

Thanks for your support and comraderie through this challenging time in my life.  Now let's go push play together.

Over the past few weeks I stopped exercising.  It started when I took 3 days off to attend one of my  very dearest relative's memorial on Febraury 28th.  I was so busy working 40-50 hours per week that I didn't have time to realize how much I'd miss her until I arrived in California for the memorial.  I spent the cathartic weekend with my family and skipped workouts because I felt so low.  Big mistake but I just couldn't bring myself to work out. 

While in California I learned I was not in the TBB Grand Finale Success Story Contest.  My husband and I had spent an entire weekend together filming my video submission along with all the other paperwork for the big contest.  It was a tremendous task and I submitted everything on time. But I was not the chosen one.  So without the Grand Finale to look forward to, I felt I had no goals and was lost.  I had nothing to look forward to and was feeling pretty sorry for myself which was magnified under the grieving circumstances.

I returned home to a load of work and my husband and children who had missed me.  I didn't have enough time in each day for my family, work, eating healthy, grieving, and certainly not exercise or getting back to doing my own artwork.  Forget it! 

To take my mind off everything I starting eating candy here and there...and before I knew it I was snacking on candy once or twice a day and right before bed, too.  It distracted me from my responsibilities and started wrapping its addicting nature around me.  One night I made 2 dozen cookies and ate them ALL myself in less than a 24-hour period.  I don't think it makes it too much better to know they were dairy and wheat free.  They were SO good and I felt satisfied.  Until the next day.  I felt like I needed to eat chocolate and/or cookies again and again and again.  My body started craving it like a drug.  So I made another batch a couple days later and did the same thing.

I am now coming to terms with this difficult sugar addiction I just developed over the past couple weeks.  My husband made the most awesome ratatouille last night...followed by freshly seared tuna.  It was a beautiful dinner and very healthy.  Afterwards I ate half the bag of Easter reese's peanut butter cups (which I couldn't seem to control myself from buying at the store yesterday), along with a handful of almond M&M's.

This morning was a breakthrough.  I had my first 'day off' from teaching and I exercised for the first time since February 27th.  I did 20 min. Turbo Jam plus 20 minutes of Turbo Sculpt.  I'm still thinking about the sweet treats upstairs in the kitchen but I feel like I finally did something good for myself today.  I want exercise and good health to come claim me and help me cut these addictive strings to candy.  This is really hard but I know I can get back on track.

I will be kind and forgiving to myself. I choose April 1st as my start day for full commitment back into any one of the TBB programs.  No fooling!  Until then I will make best use of my spring break time and do my best to work out at least 3 times each week for the next two weeks.  I know anything is possible.  Now I'm working on making that come true for me personally again.