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I weighed myself this morning and was dumbstruck when the scale read 167.2 pounds!  I am now officially the leanest I can remember weighing during my adult life.  My waist is 31'.  And I'm wearing size 30' jeans and shorts.  

I have arrived at a crossroads.  What's next?  My original goal had been 176.  And when I reached that goal, I lowered it to 168, which I figured was insane.  And now that I've reached that second goal, what am I supposed to do to continue being motivated?  Lower my weight goal again?  160 pounds?  I guess that will have to be my new goal.  I've seen a lot of guys who claim to weigh in the 140s who still look quite good.  God, I can't even believe that I'm attempting to lose another 8 pounds.

People who haven't seen me in quite some time actually tell me that they didn't recognize me at first glance.  One of my best friends---who happens to be very fit---started calling me "Skeleton Man" last night.  He meant it as a compliment.  That he said this while we were working out at the gym---something that would have been unimaginable just 6 months ago---was icing on the proverbial cake. 

Several months ago, I purchased a pair of size 30' shorts.  Now, these aren't any ordinary size 30 shorts, but a pair which actually means what the label says.  As a lot of us know, jean sizes can be deceiving.  I can remember wearing size 34 jeans back when the tape measure still read 38'.  These shorts are the real thing.  Over and over for the past few months, I've tried squeezing myself into these shorts to no avail, even when other jeans with the same waist size fit quite well.  Tonight was the first time that I placed those shorts on...and they perfectly fit!  So much so that I could wear them in public while being shirtless. 

It's a continual shock to admit that I can go shirtless these days and not feel embarassed.  In my mind, I still imagine myself as a fat guy, even though the outward appearance is supposedly much different.

So now in addition to P90X, I've decided to join a local gym.  I miss my daily evening runs.  It gets dark too early for jogging on the nature trails.  And working-out at the gym amongst dedicated in-shape people is a great motivator for me because, if nothing else, it's a reminder of how much further I can still go.  Or as one of my friends told me, "Working out at the gym is fun...especially if you're one of the in-shape people."

Every day in the supermarket or in stores, I see lots of guys whom are much better-looking than myself, and who are in better shape, and I become frustrated because I know they are not working-out every day.  They are genetically blessed.  They are the Lucky Ones.  I suppose that I'd like to be looked-upon as one of the Lucky Ones.  Question: Do these guys even realize---really realize---that they're lucky?  I dunno.  I will say this: Being on a fitness regime is a brutal mental exercise.  You're never happy unless you can be the best-looking person in the room.

As my Coach recently told me, "You're becoming a gym rat."

Never in a million years would I have thought that statement would apply to me.

The more and more I read about fitness and health, the more this statement is true.  You can have a powerful chest and 20' guns, but if you don't have a six/eight-pack, you are not truly in shape.  Unlike all other body parts which can be sculpted and grown, abs are different.  You cannot grow abs.  All you can do is burn away the fat to expose the muscle that is already lying under your belly.  This is gospel.

Abs are the definitive proof that you have a Beachbody. 

And so, I've been performing an all-out assault on my midsection for the past week.  1000+ abcrunches every night.  Sometimes 1200+.  Every. Single. Night.  I have modified the AbRipperX program from P90X to incorporate some of the moves from P90's ABRipper200, plus added several other exercises that I've read in fitness magazines.  

My Coach came to visit last weekend from Philadelphia.  While taking some progress pictures for my Beachbody profile, he commented about the excess skin hanging beneath my belly button and above my groin.  This excess skin was due to the 70+ pounds I'd lost in the past months.  "It's gonna take a year for the skin to re-attach itself to your abs," he told me.  "In fact, you'll probaby need to have cosmetic surgery for that to really go away."  More than any other comment, that remark stayed with me.  "A friggin' tummy tuck?", I thought to myself.  I made him a bet that I could lose that small pouch by mid-January.  I dunno, this seemed like the type of challenge I could embrace.  Having now competed 100% of the GOALS AND PROGRESS that I'd originally set for myself on July 10, this seemed like a reasonable new goal to achieve.  This is the reason I am KILLING the ab routines every night.  And it's a new motivation to keep pushing play.        

Funny thing is, it seems to be working.  I have lost 1.5' off my waist since last weekend. And almost 7 pounds.  I recall how, several months ago, I was so proud to do the measly 20 abcrunches required for AbRipper200.  Quite an accomplishment it was at the time.  Nowadays, I can do 80+ reps per routine without thinking about it.  I haven't yet attempted to push myself to failure.  I'll bet that I could do 150+ per routine, if I wanted.  And if that's what it takes, I have no problem with it.  A FULL HOUR of abcrunches?  If it means I can skip the dreaded YOGA X, I will gladly do so.

Current weight is 173.2, down from 216 on 7/10/09.  Waist this morning was 31.5', down from 45' on 7/10/09.

Sunday, October 4, 2009.

This is Day 88 of the P90 program.  I have to complete three more workouts before officially becoming a graduate of this series.  Unless some blind force prevents me, I should be finished on Tuesday night.  What a strange, exciting, depressing, inspiring, and challenging journey this has been, and not necessarily in that order.

I have lost a foot around my waist.  Yep, 12 inches.  I am at 33' and 182 pounds as of this morning, down from a 45' waist and 216 pounds when I began on July 10th.  I can see my ribcage, but not necessarily my abs.  My chest no longer sags.  And my legs and calves look the best since I was in high school.  I am wearing baggy size 32 jeans and shorts.  When I began, I was wearing a very tight size 42 jeans.  And my t-shirts are medium-sized.  My body fat is 16%, down from 35%.  No, I don't have the body of a fitness model that I've always aspired to have.  I will not be winning any competitions.  But it's a great start, I suppose.  

But damn, has this been hard!  Anyone who chirps about how easy this program is to follow should be staked with a cruciifx, encased in Kryptonite, and blasted into deep space.  I will personally launch the rocket.  It takes a strong motivation to see results, especially during that brutal second month when, it seems, the results refuse to show themselves.  And no, simply doing the workouts is not enough, I've learned.  You have to supplement the exercises with additional workouts, clean eating, and deny yourself all foods that you once loved.  You have to sacrifice time with your friends, your favorite TV shows, and most of the lazy activities you enjoy.  If I had truly known how hard this program would be when I began on July 10, I doubt I would have started in the first place.  Yes, the results are great...but the price I've paid has also been very high.   

Due to all the supplements I've been taking, I developed kidney stones around Day 50.  That was a $12,500 operation to have them blasted.  Note to self: Too much magnesium and not enough salt in your diet can indeed be dangerous.  I have spent several thousand dollars on weights, pills, organic foods, a blender, and more half-empty tubs of whey protein and recovery drinks than I care to admit.  I have kicked the scale across the room on days when my weight refused to move.  I have walked, jogged, and hiked several hundred miles across the nature trails of Raleigh, NC.  And I have zoomed down a 2000-ft zipline in the Appalachian Mountains.

I have been asked, on more than one occassion, to become a Beachbody coach by others on this site.  I refuse to do so at this time.  Because although my results are inspiring to others, it's been very difficult for me to stay motivated on many days.  There were times when it took everything in my power to simply finish the workout.  There were days when a half-assed attempt was the best I could muster.  

Looking back, the first month was the easiest.  All that exuberance and naivete.  The belief that I would grow stronger and get skinnier and be noticed by others.  Yes, it did happen, but the funny thing is, no matter how great the results are, it's never as great as I had imagined it would be.  Truth is, the excitement of losing weight has worn off and the challenge of staying fit has settled in.  

I have also learned some terrible truths:  It takes a helluva lot of work to keep those muscles once you've got 'em.  Your body hates muscles, it seems, and wants to eat them as fast as possible.  Losing weight is not that hard.  Gaining muscle, on the other hand, is brutal.  And even more brutal is maintaining them.  Yes, that's the truth.  It's something I never realized until now.  It's also the reason most fitness models have a shelf life of about 3 years.  You literally must abandon all vestiges of your former self and be reborn as a gym rat in order to keep yourself in that kind of shape.  And it's that knowledge that bothers me.  And the more I read, the more I realize that staying fit is a hard challenge, even for the best of them.  

If this sounds pessimistic, I don't necessarily mean it to be so.  It's just something I have to face as I look toward the beginning of P90X.  It's going to be hard.  It's going to hurt a lot.  And the results may not be what I expect.  Many people won't notice, and a lot of them won't care.  Perhaps, I should not set goals on the level of fitness models.  I should instead just be happy with not being fat.  

Still, I am happy that this program is almost over.  And I'm pleased with the results I've seen thus far.  I committed to the 90-Day Challenge and I am almost there.  That, in itself, is my greatest accomplishment of 2009.