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Other than at 21, when I had a high stress job, smoked & drank a LOT of coffee, then after my second child was born (13 months after the first) I've been at a minimum of 20-30 lbs overweight since I was 12-13. I've joked to my friends that I haven't been a size 12 since I was 12. Which is only funny(ironic) because it's true. I'll start an exercise schedule, something will happen, and I'll fall off the wagon, and after a few half-hearted attempts to get back on, I'll be back to my old habits. I have the knowledge & the tools - two Biggest Loser books, a calorie counter, exercise DVD's, gym membership; I have just not been able to get my mind completely around maintaining a healthy lifestyle. What doesn't help is many of my hobbies right now are sedentary: music, stitchery of various types, reading. Many of my friends aren't big on exercise either - the few that could be exercise partners are so far out of my league fitness-wise... and there's the psycho/emotional component right there. For years, the family dynamic has been such that I was the "Also-Ran", and that stretched over into my friendships, and I'm realizing, how I choose my friends too. Somebody I can admire in some fashion, but somebody who can also be my "point man", that I don't have to be out front & risk taking emotional hits - I can hide behind their glory, or use that reflected glory to look better to others, instead of shining on my own, believing in my own light.
Altho I'm separated, & knew I'd divorce once I moved out, fear has kept me from making those steps for a handful of years now. Because I moved, my daughter (and the mother of my 2 granddaughters) now chooses to have minimal contact with me... to the point neither child contacted me to wish me the day, Mother's Day, earlier this week. Add to that two of my closer friends bailed when I moved, two gentlemen I considered being interested in, now have girlfriends (other than me), and a slow period at work, and I'm eating out of boredom, & emotional unrest. Let's not forget a year ago, when my best friend's mother-in-law died, & I played for her while she was dying. Over a year later, I'm just NOW getting my music back.
I know this can be done, & I know that I can do it in a healthy fashion, because several weeks ago, the first week of a BL challenge at work, I lost 5 lbs. I honestly can not remember the last time I lost 5 lbs in a healthy fashion. Waffling up & down, I lost total 2 lbs for that competition.
Re-starting (sigh)I've waffled over that 280 mark, my knees are complaining about it. I can talk the talk, I have much of the knowledge, it's time & past time I applied it.