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It was October, 2005, 4 years ago when I found out that the
pharmaceutical company I worked for was going to be downsizing and that I
was going to be laid off. It is ironic because I currently find myself in the
exact same position today. As I am writing this I do not know if my current
company will decide to keep me on or downsize me along with 20% of my
fellow sales representatives. It is ironic because 2 years ago the last thing on
my mind was getting in shape, but losing ones job can have a very strong
impact on your self esteem. I didn’t feel good about myself. I was 25, single,
unemployed, I smoked more than a half a pack a day, and I found myself
pushing 225lbs.

On November 13, 2005 I hit rock bottom. I was out with some friends having
some drinks and depression swept over me. I went home without saying
goodbye to anybody. I felt horrible about myself. I had just lost my job and I
was fat and single. I could not figure out how I lost control.

Looking back at my earlier years I was shocked at my progression or
lack thereof.
After college I decided to take a break from all physical activities. I was
playing sports since I was five, a 3 sport athlete in High School, 4 year starter
on my Lacrosse team in College and when I graduated I thought I deserved a
year off. That’s when I started to put the weight on. I ate and drank with no
conscience. I remember going to KFC and buying the family meal and eating
that for 3 days instead of going to the grocery store.

So when I came home from the bar that cold November night I sat down and
wrote a letter to myself. In the letter I reflected on who I had become and
who I used to be. It was a letter addressed to myself and in it I screamed out
to regain control. I promised to regain the athlete that I knew was inside of
me. I wrote about my past accomplishments and tried to show myself that I
was able to achieve anything once I made the commitment. Here is an
excerpt from the letter:

You need to lose weight. This feeling of being fat and inadequate isn’t fun.
You run into people from HIGH SCHOOL or even COLLEGE and you hope they
don’t think you look fat but deep inside you’re thinking the first thought that
crosses your mind…”Do they think I’m fat” or “God, I hope I don’t look as fat
as I really am” but guess what? You do and you need to do something about
this. Stick with it for 90 days…only 90 days…you talk about goals and
accomplishing every one of your goals set to date concerning your career,
now it’s time to set personnel goals. If you can accomplish losing 30 lbs in
90 days, 10 lbs a month, you’ll be happier and more positive and then maybe
you can start focusing on quitting smoking and not be embarrassed to talk
your shirt off.

I had purchased Power 90 about a year earlier when I came home from work
but I never could make that commitment. I would follow it for a month and
lose some weight, then stop, and then gain the weight back with a vengeance.
Then I would start Power 90 again then stop, then gain it all back and then
some. The letter that I wrote was a promise to me that I would follow Power
90 to the letter and commit for 90 days with the goal of losing 30 lbs. I went
back and purchased the Performance formula, the resistance bands, and
joined the BeachBody club membership (as it was known at the time) because
like I said, I was going to follow Power 90 as instructed and getting online and
logging in your workouts at WOWY was what was recommended.

My day one was November 30, 2005 and I tipped the scale at 225 lbs and
32% body fat. I took the time off from not having a job to really focus on
what I ate and I counted all of calories using the tools available to me like the
diary and the transformation tracker on WOWY. If it went into my mouth I
counted it. I followed the calorie deficit and Michi’s ladder to the best of my
ability and I pushed play 6 days a week. By the end of 90 days I was 194 lbs.
I achieved the goal I set for myself. I lost a total of 31 lbs, 7% body fat and
15 total inches in 90 days!

From there I proceeded to do a Power 90/Power Half Hour Combo and after a
month of that I purchased P90X where I started to see tremendous results. I
got down to 185lbs 20% body fat but soon reality started to creep back in and
I slowly started to get out of my routine of pushing play everyday and I
stopped being vigilant in my eating habits.

It was summer 2006 and by now I had found a new job in the Pharmaceutical
Industry and I was traveling almost every weekend visiting friends, being in
weddings and going on vacations. My diet went out the window, I hardly
pushed play and by the fall I was back to 194lbs. However, a very positive
thing happened to me during that crazy summer; I made the decision to quit
smoking on my birthday.

So on September 4, 2006 I followed the same path to success as I did with
the weight loss. I wrote a letter addressed to cigarettes in which I explained
why I wanted to quit smoking. I was tired of not being in control. I lost all
this weight and yet I kept smoking. When I was with friends or family I either
had to go outside or hide the fact that I smoked. I couldn’t do things with my
father because he didn’t know I smoked and I was tired of having a little
white stick control my life. Here is an excerpt from that letter:
I’m writing this letter to myself the same why that I did when I wanted to lose
weight. I’m making it clear that my goal over the next two months is to quit
you forever. I hate the dependence you have over my life. You made me an
outsider to all my friends, family and new people who come in and out my
life. You were a crutch and I appreciated the support that you’ve given me
over the years. When I was stressed you were there, when I was happy,
bored, excited, you were always there but no more. I have come to the
realization that you crippled me. At first you were fun and new but now you
are a waste of my time, money and you are slowly destroying me. You cannot
and will not be a part of my life anymore. I know it will be hard to say
goodbye but I need to, I have to! I lost 31 lbs in 90 days, I have been the
best at my profession since day 1 and I continue to grow and get better. You,
Cigarettes, have been the most negative thing in my life and I have just
recently realized it. Like I said before and I’ll say again, you crippled me.

As most X smokers will tell you, with quitting smoking, weight gain is
sometimes an unfortunate side effect and soon I was back at 204lbs.

Another battle with depression started to kick back in, but before I let myself
get depressed about putting the weight on, I just kept telling myself that I
will lose the weight no matter what it takes. That I did it once and I can do it
again. I put it into my head that it was just smoking weight and it’s a
necessary evil to go through if it meant giving up smoking. So that winter,
2006 I recommitted to P90X. This time my sister joined me and I was able to
control my weight. I felt bad because I was unable to get back to 185lbs and
I hit a plateau around 200 and in all honesty I wasn’t being very truthful to
what I ate.

In March of 2007, Beachbody.com gave customers the opportunity to help
others reach their fitness goal through the coaching system called Million
Dollar Body. Since I had been using the BeachBody programs for a while I
figured it was just a natural transition. I didn’t really have a reason as to why
I wanted to be a coach and thought it was good idea, but was it for me?

This past July I attended Tony Horton’s Fitness Camp in NY and that is when I
found my reason and my new motivation to change my life yet again and
retake control. I came home from Tony’s Camp refocused, reenergized and
recommitted to lose that smoking weight. I made some of my best friends at
this camp and I still keep in tight communications with most. They are the
reason and they are the ones who r