Team Beachbody ¡preestreno!Español Guest

I’m 39 and on a path to an early death. I can feel the time slipping away. There is little to no energy. I wake-up feeling awful, sluggish, just gross. It is becoming more difficult to breath, clothes no longer fit, and harder to move around. . I am amazed at how far my body diminished over fall semester. Having surgery followed by months of working 80+ hours a week really limited my activity, and boy did it have impact. I’m depressed, and do not want to do anything. I am insecure and embarrassed by myself. I am so frustrated that I have let my life continue on this path, and have let my body get to this point. Ugggh. I do not know why I can not make the changes. I have been successful in so many other aspects of my life. I’m the first to graduate from college in my family, and have gone on to get a graduate degree. I was able to make a career change and am very successful in this career. I’m smart and know the facts and details of what needs to be done and accomplished for nutrition and exercise. However, I have failed to complete the necessary actions.
There are so many reasons that I need to make changes to my life for a healthy body, mind, and soul. I want to live a long, full life that will not be hampered by obesity health issues. Not only do I want to live long, but want to be happy and feel comfortable about being out and about. To be a participant in life and no longer sit along the sidelines. A healthier body will give me more energy, which will allow me to do more. I would love to do some outdoor adventures, such as triathlon race, and go father on hiking and biking trips, to be a real outdoor adventure women. Just to have more energy to get work done faster, and have time and energy to hang-out with friends and family. I know the junky food that I have been eating is not providing the proper fuel to give me the necessary energy. I have such trouble stop eating and saying no. Getting healthy would help me have a family. I know the fertility is minimal at my weight and age. Whether it can happen or not, I do not ant my weight to be the reason that we do not have children. A healthier body should give me a body image, which would give me some desired confidence. I often hold back, thinking people would not want to talk to a fat person. As superficial as it is, I would love to be able to buy more types of clothes and to look cute in them. I’d love to go shopping with my sister and friends, and feel comfortable shopping with them and not to feel embarrassed. Lastly, it would be nice to be able to go down the stairs in the morning without having to hold onto the railing due to knee pain.
What is holding me back and how have I contributed to this issue? Honestly, I am lazy when it comes to making commitment to diet and exercise. I take the easy out of grabbing fast food and watching TV, instead of spending the time to prepare a meal and workout instead of laying on the couch. I ponder my ability and wiliness to do the hard work every day. I am a huge procrastinator, and thus queen of all nighters, which were need during school and know done to get lectures and other work completed. I am keeping making a diet and exercise plan, but without a looming deadline, the plans often fall to the wayside. The procrastination is a big hump to get over, I must commit everyday, or soon the deadline will come and life will have passed me by. Furthermore, I make a lot of excuses and find reasons to postpone exercise until it’s too late. There always seems to be more work to do. I have been constantly telling myself little lies to eat junk and avoid exercise is not helping, but rather keeps me going in this vicious cycle of obesity. These must stop, and I must remain focused on the end goal, not the here and now instant satisfaction.
Besides the laziness, procrastination, and excuses, I think that I am also afraid of this path and definitely afraid to share my feeling and desires with others. It is very hard for me to share my feelings. This writing is a big step. But if I am going to be successful, I’m going to need to share my starting point and plan with my husband and friends. It is hard to admit defeat, but support is needed to win the battle. I am afraid to really make this commitment. We have friends that got divorced after he got in shape. The wife found he was too self-centered and did not contribute to the family. The energy and time needed to get inshape in not insignificant, I’m afraid that this will be too selfish to concentrate so much time and energy on myself. Also, afraid that I will not fit into the social settings, by having to say no to commitments in order to exercise and saying no to food that is offered. Will I be an outcast, and not part of the group? It is my nature to make others happy and do as they desire and not my desire. This one is hard, and something that has come to me as I have gotten older. How one overcome their weakness and fear will be key.