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I'm a typical adult child of an alcoholic/drug user - I've endured abuse but consider myself lucky to be where I am at in my life now. I am nothing special, I haven't done anything that other people haven't done, and even in weight loss there are still people who are more accomplished than me and who've jumped higher hurdles.
I've always been overweight - since I was 10 years old. I was taller than everyone else, so when I weighed in at 110 pounds in the 4th grade I thought that meant I was fat; kids don't take height into account when it comes to someone's weight. It was then that I developed a form of disordered eating (better known as BED or Binge Eating Disorder). I didn't want to eat in front of kids at school, so I wouldn't eat all day, and only at home in the evening. Eventually even my brother started teasing me for my weight gain, so I didn't eat until 10 or 11 at night (this started when I was 12) so that NO ONE would see me eat. By that time I'd be so hungry and so tired that I would eat anything processed and out of a bag (and as much of it as I could get my hands on) and I'd fall asleep. My self-esteem was horrible; I was called fat in many different and tortuous ways at school and at home. My defensive abilities were nil for whatever reason; I just wasn't good at come backs.
Junior High is where I have the most horrifying memory of my weight humiliating me. We had to be weighed in during P.E. and though the teacher closed the door, it was still open a crack and the next kid in line could get a clear view of what the person in front of them weighed. I was 5'7" and I weighed in at 198lbs in the 7th grade - I was 13. I was hormonal, going through the ending stages of puberty, had very little friends, asthma, a very below par home life, and now the entire school would know I weighed just shy of 200lbs!
Instead of seeing this as a reason to figure out how to get healthier, I experimented with purging – it just wasn’t for me. So by the eighth grade, though I hadn’t gained any more weight, I did begin using various prescription and street drugs – skipping school and doing all the wrong things. This pattern continued throughout high school. I know everyone is uncomfortable in their skin during those awkward teenage years, but while I was going through it I felt so uncomfortable I spent very little time actually at school.
The only time I weighed anything less than 180lbs I was 20 years old (5’10”) and in a very bad way with methamphetamine. I sobered up, however, moved away from where I was, finished high school, started college, and met my future husband. It’s been 4 years since I made that change; and while sober for the first two years I hovered right under 190lbs. Then I got pregnant and I gained. Though I did not develop gestational diabetes or any other horrendous disorder overweight and obese pregnant women are susceptible to, I weighed 246lbs when I delivered my son, Chance, in January of 2010. (21 inches long, 7lbs 15 oz)
He was my saving grace, my miracle, my light, my hope, and my motivation. Although I had been clean of drugs – legal or otherwise – for years, I was still a smoker; and I’m ashamed to say I smoked through my pregnancy. Having him in my arms, seeing how beautiful he was, and feeling that pure love that only mothers’ can know, I made a decision that has carried me to where I am today. I decided to change, to live happy, and be healthy for my son, and for myself. I want nothing more than to be the very best mother I possibly can, and the very best role model for my son.
I found Beach Body. I did Insanity, P90X, and Brazil Butt Lift (mostly Insanity though) for 15 months. I lost 78lbs, and 40 inches – and I am proud to announce that I haven’t smoked a cigarette in almost 4 month’s (my quit date was April 6, 2011) and I plan to never smoke again. I’ve just applied to the nursing program at my college and am finishing my prerequisites for the program this spring. My life is finally on track, my son is only 18 month’s old, and he’ll chose broccoli over toast, cube steak, and mashed potatoes. He’s happy and healthy and so is his Mommy!