I've done more than most have by my age but still, 25yrs old is the age i fear, an age where i feel i've accomplished nothing, but now is not the time for
waiting for things to happen, time to make things happen. I've always been a little bigger, a little stouter than the next guy, big enough by most and aggressive enough to pull it off, but never at my best, it's time for me to find
my best.
I've done more than most have by my age but still, 25yrs old is the age i fear, an age where i feel i've accomplished nothing, but now is not the time for
waiting for things to happen, time to make things happen. I've always been a little bigger, a little stouter than the next guy, big enough by most and aggressive enough to pull it off, but never at my best, it's time for me to find
my best.
Why, you may ask. That's actually quite simple. I want to see and show MY physical perfection, I thirst for it with an animalistic thirst that has never been quenched. Cause I want,...NO I need it. I need this. I need to push and
pull and drag my sorry mushy behind up my mountain, and claim the top as my own. Only i know the limits to myself. And I honestly hate my current limitations, I hate that I am still trapped by these current limitations. I need to break these chains and create a new threshold, with no limitations. I need myself to beyond reason, cause I simply need it.
I'll give you the reader's digest version...
Growing up I was a stout kid. My dad had a odd job business and Lawn Maintence business while growing up and I tagged along. But, he was so much stronger than me and I hated that. SO, I made myself strong, I needed to be strong, following behind him I got strong, the more I did, the more he worked me, and I never complained. I wanted strength, I craved it. I kept up this lifestyle until my early twenties, and by then anything that needed to be done physically, I could do. My activity level was through the roof. Lawn mowing 2 days a week for 16+ hours a day, and I became a massage therapist and started doing massage, I was healthy enough and capable enough and ended up performing 16+ massages a weekend. I burned my fat off my body. But my eating habits were horrid. I would put anything in my body to fuel it. It didn't matter. I was 200lbs of muscle at 16% body fat. Then i discovered weight training and started to really beat my body into submission. i spent 4 years hitting the gyms. I got to where on my non working days, I spent 4+ hours in the gym doing weights and boxing cardio and I got buff. I created a workout so intense it began to break my body down. But the results were what I wanted. I started becoming rock hard, then the damage began. I ripped both of my bicepts very severly, the doctors made me wait four months before the would consider letting me start lifting again, not to mention I tore my chest muscles, the constant stress I placed on my back and shoulders due to work, and the torture I put my legs through every week on top of the squats and power clings.... In those four months of recoveryI stopped working out altogether. but continued to stay active with work.
Later on, I took on a different career path. I was half expecting it to be an physically demanding one. But, turns out, I would spend 12 plus hours a day in a "basement" sitting behind a desk, and during the winter, it would get to be -40 degrees. My activity level stopped completely along with my metabolism..., I started smoking out of boredom, it gave me a "legitimate" reason to see the sun, to be allowed to move around.
Life was rough. I realized really quickly that I was gaining weight fast. And within six months of being in Grand Forks ND, I gained over 30lbs. My clothes were tight, and I just wasn't happy.
I had lost all reason to be excited, happy, there was no reason to do anything but go to work. I didnt' know anyone, I didnt' want to know anyone, I worked the graveyard and weekend shifts constantly. I got to the local town for only a few hours every month, and I had less interaction with society, and absolutely no desire to fix things.
Luckily i came across a late night P90X infomercial on one of my late night shifts and I could tell that these people were happy and fit. Something that I could only remember being, and those memories are fuzzy anymore. So I saved up for a few months and scraped up enough money to purchase the X and just what I needed to begin.
And it has done a lot for me, even though I haven't given enough to the program. And that is entirely my fault. I let life get in the way of doing what I need to do for me. I haven't "invested in myself" in a long time and I am currently relearning this philosophy.
The times I could stay committed when situations outside of my control kept me from following through I got results and I loved those results. I still stray, but the overall impact of this lifestyle change has ultimately impacted my life. I am taking college courses and trying to get my degree again, and I am challenging myself every day to better myself.
I am still disgusted by the layers of fat on my body, but I do have the tools to remedy that...
The transformation continues.
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